Wednesday, May 5, 2010

shoe massacre

Headline News: Shoe Massacre Shocks Wardrobe

A gruesome shoe massacre was discovered today around 5pm in a tiny apartment in Redondo Beach.  Three victims, one pair of flats and two pairs of heels, were discovered brutally murdered and haphazardly strewn across the apartment.  Three other victims, a pair of sneakers and two pairs of flats, were injured in the massacre; all injured victimes are expected to recover with treatment, though some may remain slightly disfigured or mildly scarred.

The primary suspect, a 1.5 year old male chocolate labrador, was found inside the apartment at the time the massacre was discovered, huddled up and cowering on the living room counch.  The suspect has been detained and is currently held in probation.  Officials are also pursuing a second suspect involved in this brutal act of shoe violence.  The suspected accomplice is believed to have enabled the crime by leaving both the closet door and the bedroom gate wide open for access to the victims.  The second suspect, whose name will not be released at this time, is currently at large in the city of San Diego, and will be further questioned upon his return.  Until that time, formal charges will not be issued in the case of the shoe massacre.  It is currently unknown what charges these two suspects will face, but it is likely that, given the severity of the crime, The Silent Treatment will be the least of their worries.

See below for further information about the fallen victims.  The photographs taken below are gruesome in nature and may not be appropriate for small children and shoe-lovers.

Victim #1:
White, Steve Madden sandal with heels, circa 2005

Victim #2:
Red Madden Girl Pumps with heels, bought on clearance, worn once

Victim #3:
Vanilla peep-toe flats with pom-poms on the toes, bought full price after two months of stalking in the store, worn for about one hour

The loss of these precious soles will be mourned for days to come.

1 comment:

  1. NOOOOOO! Not the Steve Madden Picasso's in white!!!!!! Do you have a brown dog shaped rug in your house now?