Can we please talk about the kind of day I had today?
Yeah, that kind.
I was innocently walking my dog around the neighborhood and felt a snap on my shoulder. Thinking it was my bra strap, I put my hand on my shoulder to check on it. Handful of crap, I realized that a bird had pooped on my shoulder. ON MY SHOULDER! That bird is so freaking lucky that crap didn't land on my head!